Wednesday, 28 November 2018

Real life diabetic

So... this week .. no scrub that today I have thrown up.. dry throw up... it’s gas... I try and have a play but the pressure from not going has to go somewhere.. outta my mouth..
it wasn’t until recently that I understood how I addicted to tramadol... I haven’t had tramadol for 2 days like on a few other occasions I .. can’t reallt explain... I am all over the place .. I wanna hit ,y head against the wall..I am rubbing my scalp my safe place.... humming ... but it’s tramadol I need...

My wife knows this now we have connected the pain etc... gosh ... as soon as Carli went to the pharmacy picked up the drugs I swallowed them...

I have lay in been till 4 today...not that I have slept all night... I have not...

God lee this is for you.... don’t skip tramadol ... it fucked you up ... you have tried to kid yourself several times now

Wednesday, 21 November 2018

What is my role in life what do I bring...

What is my role in life and what do i bring?

I often ask myself these questions ... often maybe... what is my role now..what do i bring to the table... i used to bring a lot... i was a sucseesful restaurant manager..i loved it... late nights... long shifts ..gave it all up.. to work in an office environment on little money... i.e from 35k... down to 11k a year... but i knew i would be ok... I knew I would always bring something to the table... and know my role... i did... i became a team leader in an alien environment ... earned double my salary within a couple of yrs.. always believed in my myself... i got ill... i wanted to change stuff get knowledgable about what i was suffering from.. not a job this time it was personal... i managed to be in meetings with the diabetes nhs England team...with the help of diabetes Uk.. and meet so many amazing people... i went to Parliament all through MY hard work and perseverance ... i have always tried to think .. if you really want it you can do it... i moved to Bournemouth without knowing a soul apart from my sister Matt and the boys... but have made it here..have a life despite all the shite life has dealt me... nothing has been given to me i have fought and worked for everything  I have..

I wouldn’t say the fight is beat out of me... but all i want now is to live a happy life... a stress free life ... no arguments .. no bullshit.. i am happy to shut my mouth... it i love to laff... i love it ...
I feel sick a lot... i vomit.. or shit.. or sweat.. or have pain in my feet.. or cant sleep..
 TBC  Bored of my voice today

Managed to change my consultant

And so following From previous post, missed my appointment, welll it is true I did miss it, I did expect a reminder letter that never came, could I have chased it up before yes, could I have called yes, was I relieved that the appointment was missed YES. WHY?? I hear no one say but me talking to  me, well I had not got on with Dr Brooke’s Fromm day one really, the 1st time we meet he was expecting someone with out of control sugars as his words said, but one look at my tester and he seemed quite shocked as to the amount of times I was testing and how good they were, in the circs, yes I had previously missed a couple of appointments but this was due to just trying to get on with life and live a little, so all he saw was someone who had missed a few appointments and the last one a pancreas transplant was talked about.

Well we wont be going along that route will we lee, Dr Brooke’s said, erm no whatever you say doc as I was a little embarrassed having missed a few appointments, the main reason for  me really getting back on it was my stomach has pretty much taken control of my life now, either its bowel movements, or throwing up and feeling nausea all day.
Couple of weeks ago in a car journey we had to pull over as I could not hold it in anymore, and yes it can be funny, but when it happens on a regular basis to the point I dread any kind of journey I guess the joke stops. Sitting in the cinema and missing 20 mins of a film as you HAVE to go to the toilet.

Anyway back on track so you see the main motivator about seeing the docs full pelt again, I can control my type1 , week as much as a type1 can, I made it clear that this was my goal with Dr Brooke’s,,, I had to try and explain my whole story over again which I very difficult in the short time frame you have at an appointment , I don’t think he quite understood the story but we met got some blood pressure tabs and went on.

Next appointment i think i had the libre and again went through the whole story again, i was asked to to a test, soz i cant remember it off hand but looked it up after and remember thinking it was something i am sure i had been tested on before. It came across that he had not read my file didn’t know what testes had been completed and was guessing and nt actually knowing if this had been completed before.
I went home and stewed a bit got a bit upset and thought i was just going backwards with everything, i had seen so so many docs consultants around the country and you get to realise that they do not know the answer to it all, but its tough to challenge a doc in a room where you have little time and i get a bit flustered if i am honest.
So long story i know, i also know. Am talking to myself, lee you bellend,  i had a letter today from the hostpial saying when i took the pump out i signed a contract to keep up on appointments and use the pump correctly etc, i get that , and i should have gone for that reason, but i am using the pump and the libre and testing 15 more times everyday correct carb count etc, so it wasn’t that i was hiding anything from them. Just git bored bored and burnt out of it all. So letter says they will stop the pump if I don’t go to net appointment and to have back up supplies of unslung novo and Lantus.

So this the kick up the arse i knew that if i continued to have Dr Brooke’s as my consultant then i would prob miss another and i need too get this sorted, so i spoke to Emma diabetic nurse at the hospital, and explain EVERYTHING so have managed to get back to Dr Partridge hopefully but wont be seeing Dr Brooke’s anymore.. I feel. MASSIVE relief and weight of the shoulders if i am honest. It needed to happen.
Also on that i am starting the process of aging access to my FULL MEDICAL records to see what tests have been completed and what have not, so in future i can help them understand what has been done ,i do understand i am a very small cog in a massive machine .

Monday, 19 November 2018

Background retinopathy

So had the annual eye check up, results are in background retinopathy , it no big deal I know messages from D.O.C have said they have had it for years and its is no real problem . I was surprised by this result though as my sugars have been good and my HBA1C was 6.5 or 6 I cant remember. I also to like being able to see the results on the day and talk through it with the optician, this time the appointment was in a place called the verwood hub, like a community centre, where there was a sign pointing to a cafe, no one to greet me, and off that x2 rooms with eye screening posters on them, no where to check in to say I am here, while others were ordering a coffee I was wondering what to do, h=when someone called my name, looked around and there was a nurse in one of the door ways. The process was done, I asked to see the photos but she said she couldn’t do it and I would get a letter with the results. Last year I went and it was a different place but I was asked if I had had laser eye surgery as there was a burn spot on my eye, which I hadn’t so was told it could have been through looking at the sun for too long. Which I wouldn’t have known about if I had just been sent a letter, like on this appointment.
Maybe it the NHS`s way of spicing things for for us TYPE 1s you never know where your next appointment will be, in a cafe, in a doctors surgery at an opticians.

Sunday, 18 November 2018

Freestyle libre flash tester love it hate the cost of it

So I have been using the freestyle libre for about a year now and I can honestly say I has changed the way I manage my diabetes, no longer having to worry about how many test strips I use.. as you can test as many times a day as you like, I love the arrows that show you if your bloods are stable going down or going up. Means you can predict and manage a your sugars so much better, as you know the finger pricks only give you number. I did lose x2 at the beginning , the positioning of it I put it to far around on my arm, like by the tricep so it was sticking out a bit and caught it in the door  and it came off, so now it’s more near the shoulder, I did lose another through sweat but overall there hasn’t really been any issues.

DOWNSIDE = COST So it costs us £100 per month it’s £50 per tester which lasts for 14days, I am on the insulin pump as well, and when it was announced that it would be available on the NHS I was quite pleased, so My next appointment the doc asked about how I was getting on with it, hoping he would give me one, but was told due to funding it was either the pump or the libre .. well it was a no brainier really so I kept the pump. Hoping that the may change I will push for it again next time.. 

I would recommend this to everyone, you can share the results with others via an app which is great for parents to keep tabs on their kids 

Ta ta for a bit 

Saturday, 17 November 2018

CBD oil good bad or just a fad

So am trying CBD oil on it a couple of days now... hard to say if it working ... I was on sativex about 7 yrs ago... cannabis spray ... which worked pain wise... but as a type 1 diabetic ... I made me have the munchies... so it helped the pain... but fudged up the sugars so... although I am curious to all the hype of cannabis being availed now in 2018 when I was using in in 2011/12 I think it was .... so the jury is out...

Ta ta for bit

missed appointment what a plonker

i am such a plonker, i new my diabetic appointment was sometime this month lost the originsl letter but you ususally get a reminder letter telling you when it is... or so i thought so when the whote envelop landed on the door step on friday i assumed it was this. it wasnt it was a letter telling me my next appointment is in may.. FFS what an end!!! i was just getting back on it with seeing them and had it all planned out as to what i wanted to acheive in the meeting. the last one didnt go to plan. i need to get something progressed on my stomach issues and that was my focus on the last one, but i got a bit confused and frustrated i the line the doc was going down, things that if he had read my records the answers are all in there, i.e what tests i had taken etc, so i had it clear in my mind i was gonna rite everything down and control the appointment better. 

Its the year 2018, i have a VR for the playstation, everyone is on the internet, video calls, whats app.. when if or will we ever see these 6 monthly reviews doen over the internet, surely this is being talked about somewhere by someone??... i am all for it if i am honest, lets face it they are hardly the most exciting things to do, especially if you have had an off month before and your bloods have been a bit messy, and you see the doc looking at you and feeling guilty for them not being what is expected. 

i am now on the FREESTYLE LIBRE flash tester, no finger pricks and i can test as much as i like.... although it is £100 a month so not cheap but it is a life changer that is a post it itself so will leave that there.

point being the tech is out there folks lets do these appointments video chat and save everyone time and money 

thoughts on a postcard

ta for a bit

Friday, 16 November 2018

Neuropathy man or fat hairy hillbilly

So i changed the blog name to but i was told by er in doors that it should be more like so life has been going well the past few years !!!!

i haven't written anything of any significance since probably 2012...the blog got shut down for ages to do with some ham/spam shite arse thing's. it took ages to try and get it reinstated through blogger and after it being down for such a time i kinda fell out of the groove of things. i started to do less and less in the diabetic community and tried to live a normal life...
it did looking back also con-inside with me being less interested in going to see my consultant, BUT i did not stop controlling my Type 1 DIABETES.. this i do take great pride in.. My fave consulant after seeing so so so many left to go and on to work in the USA . I was totally disheartened if i am honest,..   (Anyway that is for another time) too much has happened over six years to do in one post. 

one fundamental thing the blog did for me 1st time around was help me mentally .it feels like i am talking to someone about  it all when having a shite day, without boring the crap out of someone else a depressing the shiz outta them everyday, unless some poor sod is actually reading this then soz for the depressing post, or if you can relate to it then you poor sod lol.

so this fathairyhillbilly has had enough of talking to himself for a now,

in a bit F.H.H.B